


swear to god, double knot

by lochTenderness (theseourbodies)



Series: three things you ought to know [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crushes, Gen, Platonic Soulmates, Pre-Canon, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:08:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28115157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theseourbodies/pseuds/lochTenderness
Summary: Oikawa Tooru loves Iwaizumi Hajime
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru
Series: three things you ought to know [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1852432
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	swear to god, double knot

**Author's Note:**

> i think it's perfectly reasonable to have a crush on someone you spend 80% of your time with at least once in your life. 
> 
> Warnings: Underage crushes. Adolescent sexuality as a concept. Brief description of coming out to friends.

When  Tooru was thirteen years old, he spent a miserable six months crushing hard on his best friend.

It had been strange and completely different from anything that had ever happened to him before; it had also been the first thing maybe ever that he hadn't shared immediately with Hajime. Tooru had both loved it and hated it; he’d wrapped himself up in the feeling and accidentally tortured both himself and Hajime about it for longer than he likes to admit, now. But despite that, this had been the one thing that Hajime had never guessed about him, and by fourteen and a half, Tooru had been able to look him in the eye again consciously. That year had been the year of self-improvement motivated by the hot, uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. He'd worked the last kinks out of his jump serve that year, instead of following through on the dozens of plans to confess messily. He hits balls until his palms go numb, and then he sets until he can see Hajime shaking his own hands out from the corner of Tooru’s eye. By the time he realizes he’s over the feeling, he’s nailing serves into three distinct sectors with an accuracy in the ninetieth percentile; on the best days, he can break it down even further into six sectors. By second year, Tooru had the ability to score a no-touch, service ace almost every game, and he realized he had bigger things to worry about besides whether his hair is lying flat when he and Hajime hang out. (Things, just things, he thinks now, even though at the time it had felt impossible. Things like how volleyball was getting more difficult. Things like Kageyama Tobio and the taste of blood in Tooru’s mouth. His world keeps getting bigger and bigger, too large for Tooru to hold in the palm of his hand anymore, and somewhere along the line, Hajime just stops being something causing him stress anymore.) 

Their last year of junior high, he tells Hajime that he probably likes boys as well as girls, but he doesn't bother telling Hajime how he knows for sure. Hajime sits beside him and holds his hand gently, and he doesn’t even ask. 

(Tooru knows what it means when Iwa-chan, at sixteen, stops being able to look Tooru in the eye completely. For about half a year, Hajime goes red for no reason when they’re talking to one another; Tooru catches him looking up at the ceiling in the locker room, scowling at some invisible foes as he finishes changing. But then, as quickly as it happens, Hajime starts looking him in the eye again; the easy, thoughtless touching Tooru had been missing, but hadn’t been enough of a bastard to instigate, starts up again. During their third year, during the humming summer night when Hajime tells him quietly that he probably doesn't like girls at all, he doesn't say anything about the crush. Tooru sits beside him and holds his hand tightly, and he doesn't ever bring it up.) 

In another universe, Tooru carried the torch for years while he waited for Hajime to catch up; he realized that Hajime liked him, too, and they dated. Maybe it worked; maybe it didn’t. Tooru doesn’t think about kissing his best friend anymore, but that doesn’t stop him from burying his wet face in Hajime’s shoulder before he gets on the train that’s taking him to Tokyo with his whole life packed into two suitcases and his duffel bag. The country already feels smaller to him than it did when he started high school. He’s never been to Nationals, but that doesn’t matter now. Hajime doesn’t like him like that anymore, but he loves Tooru; he curls his arm around Tooru’s neck and holds him close, pressing his mouth against Tooru’s hair to make promises neither of them can really keep but that are going to help anyway. Maybe, in another universe, Tooru had one and not the other, the love of his life but not the best friend. In another life, that matters, but right now, Tooru can’t stop crying unless Hajime promises him that he’ll be alright, speaking that truth into existence by force of his powerful will. 

(Secretly, silently, he thinks for a long time that Hajime's going to be the last person that Tooru will ever be in love with. He's a little sad when it turns out that that isn't true.)

Hajime’s not Tooru’s boyfriend, but he’s Tooru’s best champion, the voice in his head that says,  _ go, go,  _ when Tooru stumbles or looks back. No matter where they go from here, he knows: there are worse things in life than spending it knowing that you have your best friend, no matter where you go.


End file.
